On Consent

Writing
Written By Margot Monroe

I’m presenting at the Quills Conference in August. I’m super excited to be presenting, and I’m especially excited to be presenting on this topic.

I’m finishing up my presentation and going through examples. There are some easy, safe picks for good examples, Alyssa Cole, Courtney Milan, Olivia Waite. I love their writing so much because I know everything is going to be consensual and safe.

Furthermore, their characters are consistently safe.

The book I’m currently reading, An Affair with a Notorious Heiress, by Lorraine Heath wants to have this kind of consensual safety, but I’ve been getting the feeling this hero wandered in from a bodice ripper, but was outfitted with a shock collar. Everything about the hero says overbearing alphahole. I appreciate the attempts at safety, but the character doesn’t ring authentic. It has some “Hooray! She didn’t say no!” in it too.

So, a couple tips for writing consensual scenes

  • Keep FRIES in mind. This is from the Planned Parenthood site
    Freely Given
    Reversible
    Informed
    Enthusiastic
    Specific

  • “Hooray! She didn’t say no!” does not count! Affirmative consent is great. Checking in, respecting boundaries, feeling safe enough to enforce boundaries.

  • With established couples, the signs can be more subtle, but they still have to be there. I love writing marriage-on-the-rocks stories. I love seeing how trust and caring degrade, then how a couple finds each other again.
    It could be a nod. It could be a hand across the shoulders and glance into the bedroom. They could be total dorks and “Hey, you want to go do it?” with a ridiculous waggle of the eyebrows. In any case, there needs to be communication between the couple and it needs to be clear to a reader.

  • Have well-rounded characters. They don’t have to be perfectly consistent, but if they’re some alphahole blowhard who always gets their way in all things and has no qualms steamrolling anyone in their way, having them be like “Oh yes, I believe in a woman’s consent.” when nothing else they’ve done thus far rings hollow.
    ”Your actions speak so loudly, I cannot hear what you are saying.”
    - Ralphy Waldo Emerson

  • Books with dubious consent or non-consenting are their own thing. I think it should be clear that they are dubcon or noncon, either in a content warning or on the back copy. I don’t read dubcon or noncon, so I can’t say much more than this.

I have had some real “Hoo boy 😒😬” moments with romance novels. And not even just old school bodice rippers. More recent releases had the “hero” impregnating the heroine and kidnapping her because of it. This was after he assaulted her, of course. It was real bad. So, while there is a good move toward safe, consensual novels, there are plenty of bad ones out there.

Margot Monroe